Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were trust falling into bushes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
