An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
