i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
