So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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