He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
