Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
