i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
