I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize