Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
