He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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