If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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