I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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