I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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