i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
