You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
