Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we have pet lesbian snakes
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
