He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize