My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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