I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
