I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
