After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
