Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
