I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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