New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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