I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
