It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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