Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
