I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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