Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
