Kareoke will never be a sober sport
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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