am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
