I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
