I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
