If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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