I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's blow job season.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
