A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
