i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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