dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
