I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
