i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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