oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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