she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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