i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
