Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
