I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
