So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
