Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
