just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
