I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
