Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
