So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
