are you still at the devil's house?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
