i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
