i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
