I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
