3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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