: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i think i just lost a toe
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
