Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
