i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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