I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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