How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
