EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
