I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
