okay pat passed out under dana's car
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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