i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
