you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
