i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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