You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
