So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
