Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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