I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
