Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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