I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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