I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We have started to decorate penises.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
