I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
