Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
