So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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