Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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