My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
