I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
