Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's the barista slut.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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