I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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