I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
