clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
